Mickey Rat
06-29-2005, 12:43 AM
Raising Younguns
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is NOT funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
---
Things I have learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2,000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults
in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have
to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The window panes (even double-panes) do not
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh
oh", it is already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and
lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the
movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in
the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is 4-ever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15). VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even
though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18.) You probably do NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens (and vice versa).
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid.
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is NOT funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
---
Things I have learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a
2,000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run
over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults
in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have
to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The window panes (even double-panes) do not
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh
oh", it is already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and
lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the
movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in
the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is 4-ever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15). VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even
though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18.) You probably do NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens (and vice versa).
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid.