Handshakes I hate!

[GoodOlBoy]

OK folks I just experienced #2 on my list of handshakes I HATE. For those who don't have a firm handshake take the tennis ball away from the dog and work on it. Sheesh

#1 - The limp noodle - The name says it all. These people have all the handshake power of a overcooke macaroni. I would shoot you but I am afraid you would ooze away from the muzzle blast.

#2 - The finger grabber - The person who instead of grabbing your hand grabs your fingers and squeezes them together. Let go of my fingers and give me back my hand or wear a vest.

#3 - The no motioner - Yep it is a hand shake, not a hand hold. I'm a man, you're supposedly a man. Start moving that hand, or start outrunning lead.

#4 - The wet fish - What? Do you bathe in moisurizer? Did you just get out of the pool? Do I even want to know? I hope for you sake you can explain it before the ex-marine recon guy who thinks you just made a pass at him gets to the trigger on his gun.

#5 - The cold claw - What the heck man! It's 114F in the shade and your hand is like dry ice! Are you dead or dying? I would shoot you, but I think I need to call you an ambulance instead!

#6 - The cruncher - ok ok so this guy likes a good firm handshake and maybe went a weeee bit overboard by adding power grips into his steroid induced workout routine. I will shoot to defend myself Hugo so back off!

#7 - the overpumper - yep. It ain't the 1950s anymore. I am not your bloodbrother in a treehouse Beaver Cleaver. It's hand shake not hand pingpong between your nose and knees. At least you are to pathetic to make a good target.

#8 - the finger wiggler - what the heck! It's like going to a funeral and seeing the dead guy hiccup. Don't shake my hand and wiggle your fingers! You are asking to walk with a limp!

#9 - the double hander - You ain't askin for my hand in marriage pal so drop the second hand before you loose a knuckle, AND walk with a limp!

#10 - any combo from above. The limp finger-grabbin no-motioner cold-claw wet-fish handshaker just needs to be shot to get them out of the gene pool. They are useless to society and probably offspring from a breeding combination of hitler and the devil.

In a world where trust is going down the toilet some of us still do buisness with a handshake and our word. And those who fit into the lists above need to work on it so you don't get your pinky toe shot off by somebody who misunderstands.

GoodOlBoy

[Rapier]

You forgot the wet fish, slimy noodle combo that is the politician special. Has zero meaning and comes with a big toothy SEG, it is like hitting a nerve in your spine with a little rubber mallet, makes you grab your wallet with the left hand.
Ed

[Duffy]

GOB, this is a great post, and I couldn't agree more, though I must admit to having been guilty of a few a #6's myself!

[Rocky Raab]

Note to self: stop shaking hands. There doesn't seem to be any way to avoid whizzing the other guy off.

[DogYeller]

Dyffy, I to have a #6 hand shake and it seems to get worse when I'm forced to shake hands with a #1.

[GoodOlBoy]

Now DY I can't say as I blame you there. Been known to do that one myself. Unfortunantly it usually winds up feeling like you are choking a tube of toothpaste to death. . . .

GoodOlBoy

[Steverino]

(Said with astute Cliff Claven voice from 'Cheers' fame) I recall reading long ago that the custom of shaking the hand of another in greeting came from ancient customs of confronting a potential adversary whom may be armed. The open hand prior to the clasp was meant to demonstrate that there was no weapon in hand.

Guess this was prior to concealed carry! :D

Anyhow, I have never researched this bought since it came up, I thought that it was interesting.

[Brother Rockeye]

1&2 drive me crazy...answer everything on the list with #6!(turn your hand over,palm down while crunching!)

get a little ticked by the fellas that insist on the arm wrestling grip for a handshake...when not appropriate...you know,when yer an adult...and sober! :p

[buckhunter]

I alway give a firm handshake which is what I like in return. We have a woman in our off that must have fought in the UFC. Shook my hand and squezzed it so hard I thought it was going to fall off. It actually hurt. She was new and it didn't take long for the word to get around to be prepared. She got a lot of nod's after a while.

I would rate that as the worst handshake I ever had.

[Duffy]

Originally posted by Brother Rockeye
1&2 drive me crazy...answer everything on the list with #6!(turn your hand over,palm down while crunching!)

Now that's a good idea!

[Dan Morris]

Instead of shaking, think I'd be better off with a 'hey Gomer'?????????
Dan
;)

[Valigator]

I find hand-shaking a little of a lost art down here. Many people don't do it. Most women don't automatically put out their hands, I do and sometimes get a look as if I fell from another planet.

I have many gay clientele and they shake hands like "girls" I get very sad at times, wondering where all the real men are?

[Mil Dot]

The limp noodle one drives me crazy, don't know whether to kiss it (not!)or call an ambulance. Why bother. Hand crusher is another relatively irritating shake in that I just met the person and he/she is trying to establish some sort of dominance position on someone they just met, ie backstabber in the room proceed with caution. I'll take a nice firm handshake all day long.

[RagingBullPa]

i'm a # 6 sorry but as an industrial maintenace mechanic who wrestles with large over size motorsand machinery it comes with the work. Use the grip or lose your life when a couple of tons of moving machinery are involved, plus i'm not small not at 6ft 3in and 280 lbs, i won't shake hands like a dead fish, my other sport masters track and field i compete in the throws events , javelin , discus, hammerthrow ,shotput, and the weight throws which include 25 lbs , 56lbs , 98, lbs, 200 lbs and 300lbs, so a real firm grip is necessary if that bothers people tuff crap then a kiss will do:D

[GoodOlBoy]

Firm is one thing (handshakes should be firm) but crushing bone just because is BS unless you are responding to one of the other handshake types. I have worked steel when I was younger, and used to commonly fight with bolts on blinds and manways on preassure vessels with 5K-10k psi of water behind them. Still didn't try to punish folks because I could.

GoodOlBoy

[RagingBullPa]

my number 6 means a firm man 's hand shake sorry for the misinterpretation, hell if i did a real number 6 i wouldn't have too many friends , that would want to shake hands with a vise grip:D

[GoodOlBoy]

Yep thats what I am talkin about. May have set for a couple of years behind a keyboard, but I can still crack bone. I don't do it unless presented with a limp dead wet fish handshake.



GoodOlBoy

[Hunting_Gal]

Originally posted by GoodOlBoy
OK folks I just experienced #2 on my list of handshakes I HATE. For those who don't have a firm handshake take the tennis ball away from the dog and work on it. Sheesh

#1 - The limp noodle - The name says it all. These people have all the handshake power of a overcooke macaroni. I would shoot you but I am afraid you would ooze away from the muzzle blast.

#2 - The finger grabber - The person who instead of grabbing your hand grabs your fingers and squeezes them together. Let go of my fingers and give me back my hand or wear a vest.

#3 - The no motioner - Yep it is a hand shake, not a hand hold. I'm a man, you're supposedly a man. Start moving that hand, or start outrunning lead.

#4 - The wet fish - What? Do you bathe in moisurizer? Did you just get out of the pool? Do I even want to know? I hope for you sake you can explain it before the ex-marine recon guy who thinks you just made a pass at him gets to the trigger on his gun.

#5 - The cold claw - What the heck man! It's 114F in the shade and your hand is like dry ice! Are you dead or dying? I would shoot you, but I think I need to call you an ambulance instead!

#6 - The cruncher - ok ok so this guy likes a good firm handshake and maybe went a weeee bit overboard by adding power grips into his steroid induced workout routine. I will shoot to defend myself Hugo so back off!

#7 - the overpumper - yep. It ain't the 1950s anymore. I am not your bloodbrother in a treehouse Beaver Cleaver. It's hand shake not hand pingpong between your nose and knees. At least you are to pathetic to make a good target.

#8 - the finger wiggler - what the heck! It's like going to a funeral and seeing the dead guy hiccup. Don't shake my hand and wiggle your fingers! You are asking to walk with a limp!

#9 - the double hander - You ain't askin for my hand in marriage pal so drop the second hand before you loose a knuckle, AND walk with a limp!

#10 - any combo from above. The limp finger-grabbin no-motioner cold-claw wet-fish handshaker just needs to be shot to get them out of the gene pool. They are useless to society and probably offspring from a breeding combination of hitler and the devil.

In a world where trust is going down the toilet some of us still do buisness with a handshake and our word. And those who fit into the lists above need to work on it so you don't get your pinky toe shot off by somebody who misunderstands.

GoodOlBoy

ROFL I agree with all