ain't got sense enough ta pour piss outa a boot. . . .

just because a cat has kittens in the oven don't mean ya call 'em biscuits. . . .

GoodOlBoy

"May you be in Heaven an hour before the Devil knows you've gone". Heard that one in Irland the first time and in many places since.

>"ain't got sense enough ta pour piss outa a boot..."
"with instructions written on the bottom"

along the same vein: ".....doesn't have the sense God gave a piss ant"

and for someone scared and / or confused:
"That fellow didn't know whether to sh** or wind his watch"


Mike

And a couple of more:
 

"He's grinning like a Jackass with a mouth full hornets"

"He's grinning like a possum with a mouth full of sh** (you know, the other word for crap)"

Nuts!
http://www.thedropzone.org/europe/Bulge/kinnard.html

of someone not so bright.....
 

Lights are flashing

Bells are clanging


But....there ain't no train acomin'

"If it ain't broke don't gix it!" My first Section Sergeant in the Army.

"Never underestimate a mans ability to underestimate a woman." My wife.

Here's a couple from my Father
 

"He could tear up a steel ball in a sand bed."

"I'd rather hear a fat boy F*rt (Break Wind), than listen to that Crap."

"Do you wreak-en?. If you wreak-en, tell him you wreak-en."

"You ain't just a Wolfen."

Here's one from Chesty Puller
 

My father was in the tent where the following was said to the reporters asking questions of Marine Corp. Gen. Chesty Puller, and asked how come the Marines were retreating, he had always heard that the Marines never retreated.

and I quote

"Retreat Hell, all we've done is turned the front and are fighting in another direction"

The above was stated after the Red Chinese invaded and attacked the U.S. Marines at the Chosin Reservoir on the Red Chinese border during the Korean War.

Gota love those Marines.

Heard this one on the radio this morning
 

"He's so smart, He's got all of the postage and no zip code."

by Edd Hendy, KSEV 700 am radio, Houston, Texas

You can also listen on the net at,

www.ksevradio.com

"I don't know if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or imbeciles who mean it."-Mark Twain

Here is a new one I found!
 

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

This is very similar to another saying I use to hear but I cant remember what that one was.

Old Army saying for Privates on a detail: "If it moves salute it, if it dosen't move, paint it."
Best,
Ed

Though not as colorful as some of the other quotes listed in this thread, I'll offer the following from my grandfather:

He used to tell me as a kid to keep in touch with Tiorio, or TIORIO, an acronym of "Think It Over, Reason It Out". Wise words.

Another one he used to say:

"A wise old sage once said,
'Be sure you're right, then go ahead.'
He may have added this, to wit,
'Be sure you're wrong before you quit.'"

And then there's one my dad used to say:

"Thank God everybody's different. Because if everybody were the same, they'd all want to sleep with your mother!"

My dad is a great man. Sometimes a little unconventional, but a great man nevertheless.

My wise Dads words were ' figure out how to do it yourself- if somebody helps, be greatfull and if nobody offers-you planned on doing it yourslf in the first place."..how true that turned out to be. Another was " early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise"....even though he died broke at 53... but you still can't beat "I'll hold your sign"