Non-political memorable quotes
 

I'll get this one started. My idea is quotes that deal with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, WITHOUT being political.

"Only a rank degenerate would drive 1,500 miles across Texas without eating a chicken-fried steak." —Larry McMurtry

GoodOlBoy

Don't know if it's 'memorable', but I like my signature line....

"If your dog thinks that you're the greatest, don't go seeking a second opinion!"

Saw that down at the bird dog museum in Grand Junction, TN...

If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his a$$ every time he jumped.

My dad's favorite. Have no idea where it came from. Usually said after about 15 if's from me and my brother.

One that I use on a regular basis at work:

"You can't fix stupid".

"We were riding the gravy train on biscuit wheels around here until you came along!" - From the movie Ghost Rider

GoodOlBoy

A bi-artisan quote from Will Rogers, " Congress never makes a law to which it is subject!"

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Nancy Astor (Lady Astor): “Sir, if you were my husband, I would put poision in your tea.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would drink it.”

One of my favorite half Americans.....
Best,
Ed

"You can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which gets filled first."

Burgess Meredith, one of the Grumpy Old Men movies (forget which).

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity! ~~ Lazarus Long

Not sure where it came from,but the old adage " intelligence is a constant,the population just increases " seems appropriate in the light of what is going on in the world.

jplonghunter

Asked why he carried a 45......."they don't make a 46" Juaquine Jackson......TR
"I'm kinda superstious bout that guy" Gene Graves...TR
Dan

Oy Vey
 

And how many people know who Lazarus Long is??

Now The difficulties are metastatic, Charles..colloquial translation meaning Things are tough all over, Charlie!

And i do know who Lazarus Long is..:)

Those who can't remember the past are doomed to repeat it.
When you find yourself in a hole, quit diggin'.
The older I get, the smarter my parents get.
Never criticize a farmer or rancher with a full mouth.

I always say "why don't you crap in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up first" My troops and my sons hate hearing that.

My other favorite..."Hey y'all, watch this":D

I've always heard it as "Hey y'all....hold my beer and watch this!":D

ain't got sense enough ta pour piss outa a boot. . . .

just because a cat has kittens in the oven don't mean ya call 'em biscuits. . . .

GoodOlBoy

"May you be in Heaven an hour before the Devil knows you've gone". Heard that one in Irland the first time and in many places since.

>"ain't got sense enough ta pour piss outa a boot..."
"with instructions written on the bottom"

along the same vein: ".....doesn't have the sense God gave a piss ant"

and for someone scared and / or confused:
"That fellow didn't know whether to sh** or wind his watch"


Mike

And a couple of more:
 

"He's grinning like a Jackass with a mouth full hornets"

"He's grinning like a possum with a mouth full of sh** (you know, the other word for crap)"

Nuts!
http://www.thedropzone.org/europe/Bulge/kinnard.html

of someone not so bright.....
 

Lights are flashing

Bells are clanging


But....there ain't no train acomin'

"If it ain't broke don't gix it!" My first Section Sergeant in the Army.

"Never underestimate a mans ability to underestimate a woman." My wife.

Here's a couple from my Father
 

"He could tear up a steel ball in a sand bed."

"I'd rather hear a fat boy F*rt (Break Wind), than listen to that Crap."

"Do you wreak-en?. If you wreak-en, tell him you wreak-en."

"You ain't just a Wolfen."

Here's one from Chesty Puller
 

My father was in the tent where the following was said to the reporters asking questions of Marine Corp. Gen. Chesty Puller, and asked how come the Marines were retreating, he had always heard that the Marines never retreated.

and I quote

"Retreat Hell, all we've done is turned the front and are fighting in another direction"

The above was stated after the Red Chinese invaded and attacked the U.S. Marines at the Chosin Reservoir on the Red Chinese border during the Korean War.

Gota love those Marines.

Heard this one on the radio this morning
 

"He's so smart, He's got all of the postage and no zip code."

by Edd Hendy, KSEV 700 am radio, Houston, Texas

You can also listen on the net at,

www.ksevradio.com

"I don't know if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or imbeciles who mean it."-Mark Twain

Here is a new one I found!
 

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

This is very similar to another saying I use to hear but I cant remember what that one was.

Old Army saying for Privates on a detail: "If it moves salute it, if it dosen't move, paint it."
Best,
Ed

Though not as colorful as some of the other quotes listed in this thread, I'll offer the following from my grandfather:

He used to tell me as a kid to keep in touch with Tiorio, or TIORIO, an acronym of "Think It Over, Reason It Out". Wise words.

Another one he used to say:

"A wise old sage once said,
'Be sure you're right, then go ahead.'
He may have added this, to wit,
'Be sure you're wrong before you quit.'"

And then there's one my dad used to say:

"Thank God everybody's different. Because if everybody were the same, they'd all want to sleep with your mother!"

My dad is a great man. Sometimes a little unconventional, but a great man nevertheless.

My wise Dads words were ' figure out how to do it yourself- if somebody helps, be greatfull and if nobody offers-you planned on doing it yourslf in the first place."..how true that turned out to be. Another was " early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise"....even though he died broke at 53... but you still can't beat "I'll hold your sign"

(Paraphrased)
"There are only two infinites I know of. The Universe, and Human stupidity.....And I'm not so sure of the first!" -Albert Einstein

-Tall Shadow :D


Page 3 Ownage!!!

take 5 seconds before you do something and say to youself years down the road will I be proud I did this.
Also the sick, lame and LAZY will allways be taken care of

"I knew that was going to happen" Usually stated after you have a train wreck at work and said by eveyone that was standing around to witness it who had nothing to do with the original plan but said nothing to stop it from happening.

they caught a case of lead poisening. Said by the retired police officers ( they owned the bar) after they shot 2 robbers in a bar in cleveland.

Another one...
 

Police officer to attempted armed robbery Victim: "Why did you shoot him 46 times?"

Attempted armed robbery victim: "I only brought 2 extra Mags."

:D

T.S.