Absolutely hilarious. Wish you wouldn't be so hard on the poor old Border Patrol, but the whole thing was funny anyway. (If the Border Patrol recruiting standards keep being lowered, that part of your essay may be more prophetic than you know.)
This is so good it demands a wider audience. I'd like to post it with attribution on a couple of other forums I visit, but will not do so without your blessing.
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"The American military is like a finely crafted sword. To be effective, it must be wielded by a discerning, skilled and merciless hand."
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