Sr. Margaret

[Duffy]

Sister Margaret had been a model nun all her life. Then, she was called to
her reward. As she approached the pearly gates, Saint Peter said, "Hold on,
Sister Margaret ... not so fast!"

"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work of the Lord
from the time I was taken in as an infant by the sisters at the Convent to
my dying breath. I have lived for this moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed
in disbelief.

"That is just the problem," replied St. Peter, "you never learned right
from wrong and, to get into heaven, you must know the difference between
right and wrong"

"Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into heaven!" Sister
Margaret pleaded.

"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When you get there I
want you to smoke a cigarette and call me when you are finished. We will
discuss your situation then," ordered St. Peter.

Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then immediately
called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. "Saint Peter" she gasped, "I can
hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my breath stinks, I feel dizzy,
and I think I am going to throw up."

"Good!" replied the old saint, "Now you are finally getting a feel for
right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor and call me
when you are ready."

Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after taking several belts of
Jack Daniel's. "Saint Peter... I feel woozy. That vile liquid burned my
throat and nauseated me. It is all I can do to keep it down."

"Good, good! Now you are starting to see the difference between right and
wrong," said St. Peter with delight. "Tomorrow I want you to seek out a man
and know him in the Biblical sense. Afterward, call me."

A week passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and left a message:

"Yo, Pete, it's Peggy... It's gonna be a while!!!