Lilred's Rant of the Week..Aisle Blockers

Lilred · #1 10-30-2006, 06:27 PM

OK ya'll...picture this:

It's Sunday...a day of rest and a day to slow down & smell the chittlins. Then...like a one-legged hen in a foxhole...yer day is perty much screwed. What in tarnation could mess up a beautimous Sunday???
A good ole, shoot-yerself-in-the-foot trip to Wal Mart.
In I go...I dont need much...just the basics...coffee, bread, mt dew..ya know...the normal crap...I'll be out in no time.
So ya haul freight down the drink aisle gittin some mt dews...and like a buy one git one free sale at the hohouse....theres a whole slew of people standin there. Not just any people either. Them's...well...to be polite...wide people. So I proceed to hit the brakes to keep the cart from permenantly brandin a checkerboard to their arsh.
What do they do???
......................
They stand there...and keep yackin......and yackin.....and yackin. Meanwhile I'm tryin to massage out the checkerboard brandin in my arshe the fool behind me give me...and tryin to git them fools in front to move.
They still stand there. WTF!? I look behind me...now I'm blocked in by everybody else. Fer God's sake...all I want is a mtn dew!
Bein hardheaded has it's advantages tho...so...l say "Excuse me please...." That done me bout as much good as a one legged man in a butt whoopin contest. They look at me like I was Hitler's sister...and they keep on talkin.

So I tell myself..."Self, leave the cart and git the drinks..they're just on the other side of em." So...I walk over there...I git the Hitler's sister look again..and they still stand there!! Why do they have to take up the whole friggin aisle? Why caint the scoot over in a line and yack? Do they not realize that other people are there? Of course they do..just dont dont care.

After cussin a few minutes..I regain control. Let's think this through. Ding! I got it!

So... fer all of you who fight every time ya go in the Wal-Mart just ta git down the aisles...here's how ya act in that situation.
Ya git behind the cart...start singin Eastbound and down...and pull a Bo Duke on em. And the next time you see somebody in the Wal Mart rubbin their arshe w/ lil squares all over it...you can bet that Lilred is in there somewhere!

GoodOlBoy · #2 10-31-2006, 08:07 AM

Ain't hardly nuthin' that will get my blood boilin' faster then them kinda folk. Our wal-mart is lousy with 'em. I am a big guy don't get me wrong, but when I go inta the store I wanna get what I came fer and get the heck out. I got better places to burn my life away than a durned wal-mart isle. I had one group that did that very thing in front of the sale briscuts one time. Finally After sayin' scuse me, pardon, and can I get by ya all to no avail I pulled the purtiest briscut I had seen in a long time outa one of 'ems buggy. The guy yells "What are you doin?" and I said "Well I figure if ya ain't gonna move ya must still be pickin' 'em out so I will just take this one." He goes to hollerin' and I just walk off with the briscut. . . . . Cooked up right nice it did.

GoodOlBoy

Steverino · #3 10-31-2006, 09:37 AM

Years ago LilRed when I was construction laboring, I'd go into the supermarket to pick up some groceries on the way home. I'd get the suburban soccer moms in their shee-shee outfits pulling the same crap in the middle of the aisle.

They'd get one look at the sweaty, drywall powdered, plaster dusted, scurvy, filthy, dirty visage of me striding boldly down the center of that grocery aisle and those biddy's would clear the sides of me faster than Moses parting the Red Sea!

Oh, I also used to enjoy saddling up nice and cozy to the folks in Produce that make a damn science project out of picking a head of lettuce or some peaches. After seeing me rooting through all the fruits and veggies, I actually saw a woman (I swear I'm not making this up) in a fur coat-why yes, don't you go grocery shopping in your fur coat?

leave her already bagged produce in the storage bin after seeing me fondling all of the apples-of course big ol grin the whole time.

The way I see it LilRed, you just need to try and pick the "right" times to do your shopping. I guarantee that you hit that same Walmart store this Sunday after church with all of the folks wearing their Sunday best and you, well..you sporting the hunting clothes that you had on the week before when you had to drag that deer out of the creek after arrowing him the day before and you found it the following morning and it was bloated from intestinal gases and when you stuck your shiny new drop point into it, well it kinda sorta exploded all over ya- yeah, that's the outfit I'm talking about

those folks will gladly do your grocery shopping for you.

All you need to do is stop at each aisle endcap and peak in at the congregations massing and after they smell you and then see you, you'll have only to point or motion in the general direction of your Mountain Dew and the folks will all clamor to get you whatever your pretty self needs to get you the hell outta that aisle! If you're smart and you know basically where all of the items are by aisle whereupon, you could make out your shopping list by items in the aisle, why I bet a person with the right git-up could be outta one of them Walmarts with two carts of crap in about two hours.

Oh you'll get all of your shopping items in about ten minutes Red. You're still gonna have to wait in a stinken line for at least an hour and a half because the goober store manager only brought in two cashiers.

Tall Shadow · #4 10-31-2006, 09:51 AM

ROTFLMAO!

I hear you guys!, it's a "Matter-O-Fact" That, sure as the sun coming up, You are going to run in to more, and more of these "People" where ever you go.

I also like the "Disabled" ones who's only "Disability" is the excess 300lbs, or more, around their backsides. Who do the same "Isle blocking", only on the poor electric scooters!

We have a few that almost take up the whole isle with their backside, while on the scooter!

Tall Shadow

Rocky Raab · #5 10-31-2006, 10:27 AM

Had a pair of "Wide Loads" across the aisle from me on the plane last week. The two of 'em took up ALL THREE seats over there - and each of 'em had to get seat belt extenders from the cabin crew just to get buckled in! (BTW, the airlines DO charge 'em for two seats when they're that wide, so at least something is fair.)

Classicvette63 · #6 10-31-2006, 12:53 PM

They just had an article in the local paper about wide bodies. Seems the morgue is having trouble moving them and storing them.

DaMadman · #7 10-31-2006, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Classicvette63
They just had an article in the local paper about wide bodies. Seems the morgue is having trouble moving them and storing them.

One morgue caught on Fire because they were creamating a rather obese man and the "dripping" ran out of the creamtory furnace and caught fire and burn the place up.

I think they said the guy was over 500 pounds

tooldummy · #8 11-01-2006, 01:36 PM

On behalf of fat people everywhere who invade your space or block your way, please let me be the first to appologize for inconveniencing you all in any way. Have a fat-free day.

Lilred · #9 11-01-2006, 06:08 PM

Tooldummy...let me assure that this has nothin to do fat people. Just as many skinny-as-fence-rail people do the same dam thing..they all block the aisles to where nobody can git down em.
The part that makes me maddest is they know it...but yet they dont care.
If my post made anybody think that i was fussin bout fat people I am sorry...cause that was not how it was meant. I dont care if yer skinny, fat ,yeller er green...iffin you block Lilred's aisle...yer gonna git a checkered arshe.
So please accept my apologies whoever i may have offended.

Steve...you are bright young man...did yer Mama ever tell you that??? I shall gladly try that approach...I'll let ya'll know how it turns out

Tall Shadow · #10 11-02-2006, 06:37 AM

Tooldummy,
I'm with Lilred on this one too. (To use the vernacular) "It ain't the size of their backside, what makes um' rude bastages!"

I'm no string-bean at 6'5" & 285lbs+, and I do take up more than My share of square footage. But I'm aware of this, and do my best to try not to inadvertently Elbow, bend, fold, spindle, step on, or inconvenience by my actions anyone with a smaller "Footprint" than me....or anyone else for that matter.

It comes down to "Common Courtesy", which has become both Uncommon, and discourteous. The whole "I'm Special, my Mommy told me so!"/ "I'm a Victim!, so I can do whatever and it's OK" mindset has been too widely "Fed" to our society that everyone thinks that they are more "Deserving" that everyone else.

You can be "Big"(or anything else) and be courteous. These people just don't want to bother to be. And that is what we are crabbing about....Not their weight issues.

Tall Shadow

tooldummy · #11 11-02-2006, 07:41 AM

Quote:

One morgue caught on Fire because they were creamating a rather obese man and the "dripping" ran out of the creamtory furnace and caught fire and burn the place up.

Quote:

I think they said the guy was over 500 pounds

Quote:

Had a pair of "Wide Loads" across the aisle from me on the plane last week. The two of 'em took up ALL THREE seats over there - and each of 'em had to get seat belt extenders from the cabin crew just to get buckled in! (BTW, the airlines DO charge 'em for two seats when they're that wide, so at least something is fair.)

Quote:

I also like the "Disabled" ones who's only "Disability" is the excess 300lbs, or more, around their backsides. Who do the same "Isle blocking", only on the poor electric scooters!

Quote:

We have a few that almost take up the whole isle with their backside, while on the scooter!

Gosh I'm sorry people, I guess I missunderstood what you were all getting at. I guess I have egg on my face now (along with a little gravy, jelly, and some bacon grease)! I haven't been this embarrased since I dropped my tray at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Rocky Raab · #12 11-02-2006, 08:18 AM

All too easy to completely miss the point of something in print - and that's the fault of both the writer and the reader, often.

No sweat.

But there really are a whole lot more wide loads than ever before, AND a whole lot more rudies besides. Sometimes they come together in the same bastid. Their Mommas oughta smack 'em.

GoodOlBoy · #13 11-02-2006, 08:24 AM

Ya know what I will say it again. The turkeys blockin the alse can MOVE ON!

I am 5' 11" and 289 at last weigh in (Finally under 300 again) I am a WIDE load. Ain't nothin fits me that aint got at least 3 Xs on it. And guess what? I don't block the freakin isles! And if I am doing something and somebody comes along and says "excuse me", or "pardon me", or "can I get through" I move the heck aside! But THESE people cannot be bothered to do that. I AM FAT! I AM PROUD! (not of being fat mind you) But I am also in a danged hurry! My motto? "MOVE IT OR LOSE IT!"

Curtesy ain't about weight color or religon. It is about good or bad manners. If I had blocked the isle as a kid my grandparents woulda tore me up. This ain't a social club people this is a place of buisness. You wanna visit with your long lost second cousin from your mothers brothers uncles side then go ahead. BUT if somebody needs past ya or needs where you are Migrate the conversation downstream. . . . .

GoodOlBoy "Think I will go hit the Chinese buffett for lunch. . . ."

Tall Shadow · #14 11-02-2006, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by tooldummy
Gosh I'm sorry people, I guess I missunderstood what you were all getting at. I guess I have egg on my face now (along with a little gravy, jelly, and some bacon grease)! I haven't been this embarrased since I dropped my tray at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Let me add to the point by saying that I have very little sympathy for those who's troubles, IE: being morbidly Obese, and the associated troubles brought about by being so are almost ALWAYS through their Own actions.

While there are exceptions, Mostly it's their own actions that made them what they are today. As such, I sure as heck! am not going to feel sorry for them, or what they have done to themselves + the health troubles associated with Their own actions.

If you don't care about yourself, don't expect Me (Us) to either.

On the other hand, if it's something you have little or no control over...Well that is another whole ball of wax.

My size is due to my heredity. I had/have no say in what is in my genes. Several other potentially "Bad" things are in there too. As such, I have to be determined to try to avoid certain things, and embrace others.

I also was born with a birth defect (I'm almost blind in one eye). It has prevented me from doing many things that I wanted to do in life, but I understood this from an early age. I made other choices, and I kept on "Living" Life. I didn't play "The Victim" It's just "not Me".

Some people think life "owes" them something. I just don't get the whole "I'm a victim, I'm helpless, I give up on life, Now give me something!" mentality.

Tall Shadow

GoodOlBoy · #15 11-02-2006, 09:52 AM

Yup ya got that one nailed TS. Genetically I am ALWAYS gonna be overweight. However that doesnt mean I HAVE to give into it and it doesnt mean I HAVE to give up. I also have arthritis and fibercitis. That doesn't mean I am gonan sit around moaning and askin for a handout. . . . .

Now where my cane pole I'm goin catfishin. . . .

GoodOlBoy