For my brother and sister Jeepers

[Tater]

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A REAL JEEP IF...


1. If you use a hose to clean the inside and the outside


2. When the best route from point A to point B is through the rockpile or over the mountain


3. When a scratch or a dent is a beauty mark


4. You roll it over and don't get upset


5. Your mom and sister can't get in without help


6. You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb


7. You puke when you see a RAV4


8. You get custom pin-striping from trail brush


9. When a low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you and you get out and *****-slap the driver


10. If it takes more than 6 hours to get donuts


11. When you pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days


12. When you take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail -I don't see a trail!"


13. When you've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ and XJ to your spell-checker


14. When you can see OVER a Suburban


15. You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know
where you will end up


16. When your Nerf bars battle rocks and win


17. When it rains and you don't care that your tops and doors are off


18. When you drive around to look at Christmas lights topless


19. When you change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break


20. If your "Parts Dept." is on blocks behind your house


21. When you take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep
back onto its wheels again


22. You use an ice-scraper on the INSIDE of the windshield


23. You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents


24. Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints


25. Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling


26. You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other


27. Winter comes and your can't remember where you left the roof


28. You spend more on car washes than on insurance


29. Even worse the car wash won't let you in


30. You fix almost everything yourself


31. When you feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser


32. When you have all your credit card numbers memorized


33. When you slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground


34. If you get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm and get paid for it


35. Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it


36. You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway


37. You are dating the Service, Parts or Sales Manager at the Jeep dealership


38. You try to run the plow trucks off the road when it snows heavily


39. You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway


40. You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep


41. Any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel


42. You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, on a date without carrying
along a set of steps


43. You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.


44. You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage


45. You nickname your Jeep after the noises it makes or it's most damaging trail accident


46. You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep


47. You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.


48. You know how to reinforce the windshield frame near the wiper arm


49. You're constantly getting passed on the highway.


50. Your wallet is always empty.


51. When your boss's secretary calls to "recommend" that you wash your Jeep


52. When you finally wash the mud off, everyone thinks you bought a new Jeep