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#1
09-14-2005, 09:03 AM
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Ladies, preparing for mammograms
But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective. EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast. EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared!
__________________
nothing like the smell of chanel and gunpowder in the morning 
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#2
09-14-2005, 12:16 PM
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Mammograms
DAAAUUUUMMMM....sounds too much like...fun???...No....PAIN!!. Darn Val...even worse than getting a finger wave...without(KY of course)!!
__________________
skeet@huntchat.com Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" Benjamin Franklin
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#4
09-14-2005, 01:31 PM
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Dang Val, I complain when I slam my finger in the door. I can't even imagine.
__________________
Bird Dogs and Hunting If you're betting against God, you better be right. "When a dog dies they take a piece of your heart but leaves you a piece of his, and humans always make out in that deal. " Mark Twain. Larry Miller
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#7
09-15-2005, 08:29 AM
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I have a very good friend that is only 47. I was a friend of her little brother who died in 99. She just had a double mastectomy, the removal of both her breasts, this was three weeks ago. All of her closest friends have been taking turns helping take care of her. My girlfriend stayed with her the first week out of the hospital. I spent yesterday afternoon with her and going back up this weekend to help clean her house. I sure am glad she went throught the mamo BS, they caught her cancer in time. I'm so thankful to have this wonderful friend and lady around for years to come. Funny analogy though Val, I couldn't possibly imagine.
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#8
09-15-2005, 09:29 AM
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My wife would agree.
After her first 'gram, I asked her how it was. She said, "Ever heard that phrase '...in a wringer'?"  I wish there were a better way, ladies. But even a 'gram is better than the alternatives Jonesy reminded us about.
__________________
Freedom of the Press Does NOT mean the right to lie! Visit me at my Reloading Room webpage! Get signed copies of my Vietnam novels at "Baggy Zero Four" "Mike Five Eight"
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