Dear Dad.....

[Tennessee Elkman]

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she
is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her
because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much
older than I am. But it's not only the
passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy
has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for
ourselves and trading it with the other people that
live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime
we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS
so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't
worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to
visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at
Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that
there are worse things in life than the report card
that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
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