The Farter

[fishnfrank]

DO YOU FART IN BED?

IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING
SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN
HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE
HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING
WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND
THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER
GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP
RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.
HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR,
SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS
GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM
OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS
PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS
UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS
AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS
AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER
HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE
BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC
WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPAN TS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL
OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH
HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A
BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC
FOOTSTEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATHROOM. THE WIFE
COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE
FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF
TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY
GOOD...

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME
DOWSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A
LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS
SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.

HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS
YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END
UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY
HAPPENED.'

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO
FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

[muledeer]

I'd say something but I'm laughing to hard
muledeer